I’ve been thinking a lot about what I wanted to post about for the end of this year. I toyed with a recap post, summarizing what I feel I have learned and achieved. I thought about lists and bullet points — but I am not sure that it is the actual events of the year that made an impact — or the attitude adjustment and change in view that came with it.
Running my first race was obviously something I will never forget, and Michelle and I and this picture are forever tied together through time (sorry Michelle, good luck getting rid of me, ever)
I also traveled. I was in Vancouver twice visiting Manfriend (in January and in March) before moving here, and I went to Oregon with my Mom. I also moved my life across the country and made a great leap of faith in terms of knowing what I had to do.
Given the amount I’ve learned and grown, I would say it was the right decision.
In the end, I decided to summarize 2012 by the things that have changed in my life, and the major things I’ve learned the last 365 days.
We make thousands of choices every week. I never saw life as a series of choices until I dated Manfriend. Anyone who knows me – especially my Mother – will know I’m a big picture kind of person. I think of the end result. I’m spontaneous. I think “I’m going to run a half marathon” and don’t think about the work that is put into it or the budget or any of that. And suddenly I find myself out on the track!
That changed a lot this year. I’m more aware of the choices I make on a daily basis. How they are going to affect me today, and how they are going to affect me in the future. I consciously make the effort to make the best choice, not just for current Amalia, but for future Amalia too. The choices you make today will affect your tomorrow.
Leave It Be
The past is called the past for a reason.
The boys who broke my heart, the mistakes I’ve made (there have been SO many), there is no point in dwelling on the past.
Its okay to make mistakes – its what you learn from them that counts. And once you learn from them, you have to be able to let it go, and move on. Closure CAN be a one-sided thing. You have to be able to close a chapter of your life by yourself. Ultimately, in the end, you have to be able to love and support yourself. Dwelling on the past is not going to help you achieve that.
I was able to let go of some things this year that took me a long time. Failed relationships, mistakes, and all I can say is I’m ready to embrace the mistakes of the future and learn some more life lessons. It could be the true meaning of life — learning from the past to better yourself in the future.
I think before a part of me was always afraid of failing so I wouldn’t even have the guts to try. I still struggle with this. I still think “What if I get up on half marathon morning, run the race, fall behind a 16 minute mile pace and get picked up by the golf cart that’s going to scoop up all the people who are falling behind?”
Well, what if? We could play the what if game forever sitting on our couch and never move an inch or accomplish anything.
What if I PR (which I will cause I’ve never run a half before), what if I surprise myself and actually manage to race the thing (unlikely, but possible).
Sure, I could fail, but at least I will have tried. And there is always a lesson to be learned from that. I was not raised to be a quitter – and I will not live my life as one.
Be Grateful For the Small Things
I used to want to be rich. No joke! What kid doesn’t though? We see the lives of the Hollywood stars and major athletes and think, I want that life.
Well, news flash former self. I don’t. I’ve been to enough celebrity parties (and set up and tore down) this year to have my fill for a lifetime. I prefer my small things. Not the petty “Did you see how many shrimp cocktails that woman ate?” I will live within my means and I will not pine for a lifestyle that is different from the one I have. Obviously I would never say no to extra money (really, who would) but I learned to value the small things.
I’m happy! I’m happy making minimum wage at one job and double at another. I’m happy coming home to my tiny apartment with Manfriend and video games and blogging. A free trip to the museum — awesome!
And relationships. I value the relationships I’ve made this year, the ones that I’ve kept, and the ones that are online. They are still relationships. The three communities I have joined (fitfluential, sweatpink and girls gone sporty) have made a huge different in my life. YOU have made a huge difference in my life and I value each and every one of you.
Create Your Own Rules
I spent a long time developing what I originally called a “Fitness Manifesto” this year. After a while, I realized it wasn’t just a fitness manifesto, but guidelines to how I live my life. And when anyone asks me my New Years Resolution for 2013 – I’m going to point them to my personal ABC’s. The four qualities I value the most and the four ways I plan on living out the rest of my life. And the four things I am constantly learning about.
I want to live with a positive attitude. I want to approach everything positively. I want to be that ray of light in other people’s dark days and spread love everywhere I go. I approach all areas of my life like this – and want to continue. Being a negative nelly just isn’t for me.
I want to have balance. I want to learn to balance my life better. To take my priorities, relationships and responsibilities and figure out a way to make them all work together. I’m not a fool, I know this will be a learning experience for a lifetime — but I’m determined to find what works best for me. Healthy Living is all about balance, and that is something I learned this year. Dieting never worked for me. The second I stopped thinking solely about the food that was going in my mouth and instead started working on portion control and balance, things changed. Pounds dropped off. I feel the best I have in a long time – but there is always room to improve.
I will live a compassionate life full of understanding for myself and others. I will encourage other people to live a life full of compassion. I will not judge people based solely on a few facts. I will truly get to know others. I will take time outs and breaks for myself and treat my body, my mind, my life, and my loved ones with compassion.
Hard work was never my best friend when I was growing up. Lazy would have been an accurate way to describe teenage me. Don’t worry, I’m not offended (See “letting go of the past,” from above). I want to throw myself into my priorities this year and continue to really accomplish my goals. I look at my medals and pictures (and myself in the mirror) and the attitude adjustment that has happened this year and think — this is what matters. At the end of my life — these are the things that will count.
I know the answer to that oh so complicated question — what do you want to do with your life?
I want to be happy. I want to be myself. I want to wake up each morning thanking the world for this day and realizing what a blessing it is just to be able to say I am here. I want to be joyful. I want to live by my morals and standards and at the end of my days say “I was myself.” It’s not about WHAT you do, but HOW you do it.
I will live my life and be me. Imperfectly Perfect.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year guys. And thank you, for everything.